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Painted Youth

by Painted Youth

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1.
These sunny days are getting long. Here’s a collection of songs you know I know you know. Save your criticism. Capitalism’s got me feeling lower than I’d like to go. Everyone has days when they’re blinded by the sun and nothing ever seems to get done. I know our problems aren’t the end of the world but thinking so is half of the fun. I’d love to look at your face. I’m writing from the new place. The sun is going down. And from the rooftop outside my window you can almost see the worst part of town. Everyone has years when all they do is analyze. They don’t seem to find themselves. If you can’t see your reflection in your diary there’s a mirror sitting on my shelf.
2.
I draw the window closed and let my own voice inside of me. Painting pictures of the outside for everyone to see. We always seem to mean the opposite of what we say. We always seem too mean. I shook hands with the practicing poets last night as they put down their guitars. And the crowd had all scattered like artists revealing the cracks in the floor. And I guess it was par for the course that I hadn’t a thing to say. Sometimes through all the talking it’s hard to communicate. We always seem to mean the opposite of what we say. We always seem too mean.
3.
She said this place is a real metropolis and asked what made me wince. I’ve been thinking all about her ever since. I said life is all around but only if you try. It doesn’t take much thought to want to die. I used to walk through that old building. Should have known they’d tear it down. It was clearly sentimentally unsound. There’s so much dramatic irony in looking at the past. All I know for sure is nothing lasts. Hey Claire this city’s swimming. It’s us against the flood and guess who’s winning. When all our resolutions have fallen through the drain can we have that conversation again? This city’s digging its own grave. Let’s go and find a place we’d like to save. When all our resolutions have fallen through the drain can we have that conversation again?
4.
Terror has a new name. A new war but it’s the same. So far far away. They’ll get bombed and we’ll get bored and we’ll rest easy rest assured. The rest don’t matter anyway. And could it be any more obvious? The truth died a long time ago. Leaders need followers need leaders need blue-eyed young believers to stay the same. I’m losing self-esteem playing for the winning team. Born into a game. And could it be any more obvious? Honesty’s long since passed. We’d rather not ask. Terror has a new name. A new war but it’s the same. We are all human beings. There’s something you’re not seeing. So far far away.
5.
Homecoming 02:06
Bridges burn. A small town return. Idle hands and burning hearts. An antacid. Not everything is placid. Do you know what you are? A hundred kids being dumb and having fun. It shows my age it shows my luck. A tarnished spoon. I’d rather sleep all afternoon. Confuse my story with a book. Bridges burn. A voodoo child a slight return. Idle hands and burning hearts. A tilted bed. A warning sign of what’s ahead. You don’t know what you are.
6.
Let’s blame the full moon because I swear I’m not always like this. And you’ve been smoking like a chimney fire. With a chip on my shoulder and a workweek on my back. Forty-hour heart attack.
7.
So many months later you still have your sick hold on me. Like a disease. I guess some feelings never leave. I read your letter like a cup of coffee. It gets me out of bed. Unaffected. Did I always look this dead?
8.
There’s a place on my head where I can feel the end of a gun pushing against my skull. I’ve felt it for as long as I can remember. Knowing there’s no reason makes it funny but it doesn’t make it fun. You still won’t want to be here when there’s nothing left to be. Wish you’d know just from looking into my eyes when I could use a hug. Sometimes it hurts to tell you. And there’s some days when I wish you’d find the time to ask me how I’m doing. Every day I’m happy you found me at all.
9.
How come every time the season changes it brings along a flood of memories? And every other record makes me wish it was the past. Our lives our beautiful but I can never see beyond the shame. These days when they mention you I just act like everything’s okay. If I could remember everything you gave to me you could forget everything I said. Only if all was forgotten would I wish to speak again.
10.
It’s nine o’clock and my eyelids feel as heavy as my glasses. I don’t know what to do right now. If I had another place to sit I would embrace this city. I’d capture it with a poem or a hug. Sometimes I wonder why no one is like me though I’m sure you’d tell me that we are all the same. I wouldn’t be so quiet if I thought that I had something to say. It’s been a couple months. I haven’t been that social. I’ve been kept at the store or in my room. We’ll laugh together soon enough I’m sure. November rolls into June. It’s only nine o’clock and yet my eyes are feeling heavy. There must be something wrong with my glasses. And how I miss those evening classes.
11.
I won’t see you at tomorrow night’s show. If you’re there then I’ll decide last-minute not to go. Did you know that Valentine’s is Wednesday? These things creep up on you like turning twenty. Life is good and I wish the same for you. Just remember to forget the fact that everything falls through. Just look forward to looking forward. Spring is coming and we’ll all feel warmer. I know a graveyard with an excellent view. Dying trees city lights and the only thing missing is you. It’s a shame that the buses stop so early. I’d stay there for hours but it’s a long walk back to Broadway.
12.
Eugene 02:45
A fire will take our house tonight after we’re all asleep. The flames will save our lives. I couldn’t stand to see you go this morning but you left just in time. You’ll get to survive. And to think I had all but given up on meeting anyone just like you. I guess the world is a big place. So tonight as the flames start to consume my naked body I’ll be dreaming of your pretty face.

credits

released April 3, 2012

Songs 1-7 recorded January 2005 by Jesse Gander at The Hive; previously unreleased. Songs 8-12 recorded September 2002 by Jesse Gander at Rec-Age Recorders; previously released as a demo cassette in 2002. All songs mastered in 2005 by Stu McKillop.

Eric Axen: vocals and guitar, and bass on 8-12. "Metal" Steve Harrison: bass on 1-7. Bart Newman: drums and percussion. Matt Smith: backup vocals on track 9. Jesse Gander: backup vocals on track 10.

Photos by Ella Strawberry.

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Painted Youth Vancouver, British Columbia

Painted Youth was Eric Axen, "Metal" Steve Harrison, and Bart Newman. They existed 2002-2005.

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